I have now spent over a year without working and without having a clear idea of my direction. In January I began studying again, and I felt sure it would help cure me of my feelings of confusion. Now that the semester is over, and I recently obtained my German working permit, I have spent the past few weeks trudging through those feelings again wondering if/when and what kind of job I can find. Part of me has the feeling I am not following a proper path, while the other part wants to develop a life outside of the norm.
But recently I have come to a place of realization that the purpose of life is only to live. It’s to be here now. To make an impact on the people around us because when we aren’t here anymore, we no longer have that ability. To make everyone around us smile and feel love and beauty and happiness. For when they are happy, it makes us happy. To embrace the enormity of what has come before us and what will come after us. To know we are a piece of this. And what we choose to do with ourselves can either make an impact on the whole world, or perhaps to speak to the cliché, be the world to someone else. But no matter the direction our lives go, we undeniably existed as a part of all of this. So what is our purpose? Perhaps there is none. Perhaps it’s only to learn what it means to be a part of this intricate evolution of time.
Most of us spend our lives attempting to accumulate money and buy things. We get trapped in a cycle of work we likely don’t enjoy to earn money, buy things, work more to sustain and increase current lifestyle, then work even more. And occasionally we look around and think there is more to this. Because do we still feel happy with our things? Does that new smartphone still give us the pleasure we had when we anticipated the purchase? More than likely, it got dropped a few times and has a crack or a chip that now annoys us.
But the marketing we inhale on a constant basis makes us believe this is the only way to live. Our impressions of what life should be holds us back from thinking outside of the box. Our biases keep us from growing and developing and thinking about what truly makes us happy. And most damaging, I believe, is how we are imagining what others think of us. We try so hard to fit into a mold of the expectations of others. But when we can step back and realize we need to do what’s best for us as individuals, a whole world opens up. Perhaps things we never even imagined. This is where I stand now – trying not to look around and give into the perceptions of the “right things to do”. And I am hoping with that, I can continue on in a direction that’s right for me.